Neanderthals and Baking, a Disastrous Mix
by FireTales2
Summary: Its at times like this, standing in the middle of what looks like a winter wonderland, when Kurt wonders why he lets two of the biggest goofballs in all of Ohio help him bake.


**Hey guys! Guess who is back from the dead? ME!**

**I got a new laptop for Christmas (well technically is was three days after but who's counting?) and the first thing I did was open up Microsoft and began writing (and erasing, a lot). So since it's been about seven months since I've last written and I'm a bit rusty so that's why this one shot is a bit.. weird looking. Some of the might sound awkwardly phrased (give a me a break, I'm only 13) and may be a bit choppy since I wrote it in two rounds (since my laptop decided die on me, lucky I had like the first paragraph saved *rolls eyes*). I know Finn may be dead on Glee but he will forever stay alive in my fanfics (R.I.P Cory Monteith, since I didn't get to say it five months ago). I don't exactly know how this idea came to me but I knew I had to write it.**

**So to keep this authors note from being atrociously long and boring, I'll let you read! (Don't forget to comment and like you know if you actually like this awkward thing I call a story).**

**P.S. I realized that you make cookies with dough and not batter but I was too lazy to fix it and it just fit better with was going on.**

**-FT2**

...

Its at times like this, standing in the middle of what looks like a winter wonderland, when Kurt wonders why he lets two of the biggest goofballs in all of Ohio help him bake. When your wearing your favorite designer top, standing in a pile of wasted flour, cookie dough dripping off the walls, icing caked in your, and chocolate chips stuck to almost every part your body and the people who did this two didn't even get a sprinkle of flour on them. In retrospect, Kurt should've seen this coming, and this is just Karma's way of telling him that your an idiot for saying yes. Wondering how this all happened? Well it all started about ten minutes ago when Finn and Puck walked through the door...

...

"Mom, can Puck spend the night?" Finn's voice rang through the house. He and Puck both tossed their backpacks and coat on the floor, not even minding the coatrack that they were standing less than two inches away from. That explains why their rooms look and smell like a pigsty.

"Your mother is not here Finn. She had to work overtime, remember?" Kurt replied. Finn and Puck walked to the kitchen, the source of where Kurt's voice came from. There in the middle of the kitchen, working like a worker bee was Kurt. Said countertenor was wearing a pink, frilly with a green and white flower making it's way along the bottom of it. The two jocks held their snickers in Kurt's choice of apron. That was until they saw the freshly baked, chocolate cookies sitting on the cooling rack. They reached their hand out greedily, trying to sneak one, until Kurt hit them rather hard with his spatula.

"Nu uh uh!" Kurt shook his head. "These cookies are for the football team's bake sale."

Puck looked confused, "What bake sale?"

Kurt did a literal face palm. Did these boy ever pay attention to anything other then girls and video games? "You know the bake sale that Coach Beiste spread flyers about all around the school. I'm pretty sure she talked to you guys too about it."

"Oh! I remember."

Kurt muttered something along the lines of 'of course you do'. He continued his task of making a batch of sugar cookies, replying with no's whenever either of the boys asked or tried to steal cookies. Finally, aster about ten minutes of this, Kurt slammed the bowl down, a little of the batter spilling and running down the sides. He looked questioningly between the two.

"Why are you still here? Shouldn't you be upstairs, ruining yours and the rest of the household's hearing coming from your ridiculous Call of Work game of something like that."

"Dude, it's Call of Duty and we want to help," Finn told his stepbrother.

Kurt stared at them weirdly for a second before bursting out in a fit of giggles. He was laughing so hard that his face turn beet red, his eyes were watering, and he was doubled over, clutching his heaving stomach. Finn and Puck looked confused, "Dude, what's so funny?"

Kurt wiped his eyes, still laughing a bit, "Call me dude again and I'll castrate you in your sleep." The two jocks both held their crotches in their hand protectively, wincing at the thought. "And you want to help? Since when do you two like to bake, and the last time I checked, you couldn't even microwave a plate of leftovers without making a mess. You would only get in the way."

"D-I mean Kurt, please? We promise we'll be good and clean up and won't tease you about your stupid apron."

"Okay, what is the deal? Last week you were all about 'Cooking is a woman's job and blah blah blah'," Kurt imitated them.

"What can we say? We found the error of our ways and-" Puck said confidently until Kurt him off.

"May I repeat. What do you want?"

Finn had his guilty face on, "Well we thought that if we helped you that we would maybe get a few of those cookies."

"Really? You- you know what? Fine! But if you get in my way you get nothing. And you have clean all the dishes afterwards too." If they were going to try and use Kurt, he was going to get something out of this. Besides, that leaves more time for him to talk to Blaine.

Finn looked as if he were to protest but quickly shut up when Puck elbowed him in the side, "You have a deal Princess." Kurt's cooking was a magical experience all in itself and if the had to do a little extra work to get some, Puck didn't care.

For the first two batches, things went respectively well. Kurt had to admit, they did work pretty well as a team, even though the other two was just handing him ingredient and utensils when told to. Around the third batch, he could see that they were getting restless. On the fourth, Kurt could practically feel the boredom rolling off of them. Finn was doing what looked like the potty dance and Puck sighing, huffing, or puffing every other second or so.

At the first sign of trouble, Kurt should've warned them, but he was too concentrated on the cookies. Immature sounding giggle was the second warning he should've took but no, he was almost done. If they could behave for about five more minutes, they would be done. Shoving and pushing was the next sign but all Kurt did was roll his eyes and mutter something about Neanderthals. Let them injure themselves, it wasn't his problem. It wasn't until he asked Puck to pass the measuring cup did Kurt finally see what the two were doing.

"Puck, I asked you for- hey! What do you guys think your doing?"

On the counter was a pile flour (very expensive flour that Kurt paid for with his money, thank you very much!) and Finn and Puck stood their laughing as they drew lewd pictures Kurt could've lived without seeing. At the sound of the countertenor's voice they both looked up with a 'deer caught in headlights' expressions on their faces, holding up their hands in surrender. If he wasn't so pissed about his material being wasted (again, his money!) he would've laughed, took a picture of it, and uploaded to Facebook (bless the creators of social media). And of course, their response to this was about as immature as a pair of ten year olds.

"He started it!"

"No he did!"

"No you did!"

"Stop lying!"

"I'm not lying!"

Then, it escaladed quickly from bickering to shoving. Being the Neanderthals they were, they started throw punches. Kurt yelling at them seemed to only add fuel to fire as the tumbled on the ground. Unfortunately for Kurt, Finn's elbow hit the bowl of flour and send it flying in the air, spilling the contents out and them land on Kurt. Said boy was paralyzed in shock with a single thought running through his mind.

_A bowl of flour... just spilled all over my designer.. outfit that probably cost more than their entire wardrobe put together. Are you freaking kidding me?_

Of course that wouldn't be it for poor Kurt, now would it? The two decided to bring food into the fight, Finn grabbing the chocolate chips and Puck with the mixing bowl full of batter. They were both circling each other, holding their respective weapons (if you could call them that) warning, silently daring the other. Ultimately, it was Puck who took the first move and threw the bowl. For a football player, he had really bad aim and the bowl ended up hitting the ceiling, walls, and of course, Kurt.

_Great, first my shirt and then my batter. How could this get any worse?_

Finn then ripped the bag of chocolate move, and then in a dumb move, toss the bag back, spraying the still paralyzed Kurt, and threw the almost empty bag at Puck, who just realized what they had done and was gaping unattractively. He knew that once Kurt was able to fully comprehend what had just happened, Kurt would live up to his threat of castration. Finn caught on to what just happened and shared a look with Puck before silently leaving the scene of crime.

...

It took a whole eight minutes for Kurt to regain his senses and another three just to remove his feet (his poor, poor Doc Martens) from the pile of gunk that had been created by Finn and Puck. And well, as for the two imbeciles, lets just say that they better sleep with one eye open for a long, long time.

**FIN.**


End file.
